9 PM Monday 19 March 2012 Nunhead

My radio show, Nunhead American Radio, is live tonight, Monday 19 March 2012 on 104.4fm in Nunhead and streaming on www.resonancefm. 10:30 PM London time. 5 PM New York time. Click now and listen. Read this post later.

Mine is the only radio show for Americans living in Nunhead, England. Accept no imitations. Americans have found a home in Nunhead, southeast London.

“How do you get to Nunhead?” you ask? The answer “Don’t practice.”

Our guests tonight include:

Andy Zaltzman, the famous five-a-side-footballer, podcaster of The Bugle, comic of Political Animal, and friend of American superstar comic John Oliver. He has just returned from New York and he will report what people are saying about me.

Jeremy Operer, the Nunhead American health and safety expert is originally from Michigan. What is good for the Michigander is good for the Michigoose? Or is that aload of michigoss? [Yiddish for craziness.] His American wife, Carolyn, is in the family way, and we’re keeping our fingers crossed that we may have our first fully American baby to be born in Nunhead. We may discuss the health and safety implications of that.

Co-Host Lisa Moyle is taking the night off. She is doing something very important tomorrow and needs to be rested. I do not feel at liberty to divulge what exactly it is but I have granted her leave.

In Lisa’s place, we have the lovely Robin Schacht. Robin is a former Nunhead resident, Washingtonian and NHS psychologist. She has been tasked with providing insight in my mental state, in the hope of adding some continuity to this show.

And now the News of Nunhead for 19 March 2012

Mikey and his family have just opened an “authentic” Nigerian restaurant in Nunhead Village – “authentic” Nigerian restaurants as if there are a spate of “fake” Nigerian restaurants opening in Nunhead.

Nkem’s, like many African names, is missing a vowel between consonants. It would be sad if Africans felt they couldn’t take advantage of all the vowels that England has to offer.

The reviews are in – I have to rely on others to rate the place because I never venture down to Nunhead Village, I stay up in Nunhead Heights, the nicer bit of Nunhead.

According to Nunhead’s most popular forum Southeastcentral.co.uk, here are the reviews:

Pembroke Pete: “it was good food!”

DKZ “I had some meat thing that involved tripe and cow’s foot. It was quite nice, apart from the tripe and the cow’s foot.”

Huey “we couldn’t try everything but I recommend the gizzard starter. Yum!”

The gizzard is the part of the fowl that grinds grains – my father would call it the puppik, which I thought meant “penis” in Yiddish but actually meant “belly button”. That’s the opposite of how he got my mother pregnant.

The Southwark News reports that 7000 square metres of woods and fields will be destroyed to put in additional graves at Camberwell Old Cemetery.  Screw the birds and the kids. The dead have right to happiness, too.

The council is planning on dumping more than 480 dump trucks or lorries of top soil over the site. If the work is done to the same specifications as in Nunhead Cemetery a few years back, the dead will be buried in beds of crushed sinks and toilets. Not funny, but true.

And now the good news: The post box on the dead man’s bend of Cheltenham and Ivydale Roads has been repaired. It is not needed as a post box as Nunheaders can’t read, let alone write. It will be used as a bollard to provide the chip shop on Cheltenham Road with much-needed protection from out of control cars. Not funny, but true.

www.thebuglepodcast.com  @zaltzcricket @hellobuglers
The Nkem, 100 Evelina Road, SE15 3HL “Authentic Nigerian Cuisine” Telephone 020 7635 9997, Mon-Thurs 11am -11pm/Fri-Sat 11am – 12pm

@lewisschaffer

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio.
 Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

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