Amazingly fun News of Nunhead for 26 March 2012 before tonight’s radio show

Nunhead

9:15 PM 26 March 2012 Monday -  Nunhead

Nunhead is “twinned” with Brockley, Catford, and Peckham, according to me. This has never gotten a laugh but I insist on repeating it.

TONIGHT AT 10:30PM LONDON and 5:30pm NEW YORK:

Listen to Lewis Schaffer with the Radio Nunhead American Radio. Streaming Monday evening on www.resonancefm.com and on 104.4fm London.

The News of Nunhead

The Battersea Dogs Home is running a campaign to improve the image of Staffordshire Bull Terriers – the fighting dog of choice for inner-city suburbanites such as Nunheaders.

“Staffies, they’re softer than you think” is the line on the Battersea posters on the Peckham Rye East side of the park. “With the right owners” the Battersea states “Staffies can be beautifully behaved dogs.”

On Saturday, a small dog was killed on Peckham Rye by a Staffie called Blue. Blue’s jaw crushed the tiny 3-kilo Morph’s ribs and punctured its lungs – within sight of the Dog Home’s poster.

Three things you often hear about ugly dogs: One, “Oh, don’t worry, he’s friendly.”; Two, “Oh, never done that before.”; and Three, “Your dog (child, you) shouldn’t come up to him that way.”

Carnegie Schaffer, the lovely second child of Nunhead American radio personality Lewis Schaffer, had a stressful afternoon Monday as he fell, or was pushed, into stinging nettles in Brenchley Gardens. Stinging nettles pump pure histamine into human skin and are quite painful but don’t leave lasting visible marks. Much like women.

The London Borough of Southwark, where Nunhead rests – and the operative word in Nunhead is “rest” – well Southwark is twinned with Cambridge, Massachusetts. Massachusetts is actually spelled that way because Red Indians could call it whatever they wanted because they never wrote anything down.

John Harvard of Harvard University came from Southwark. He didn’t found Harvard University but was its first significant donor. The Colonists also renamed the town in Massachusetts “Cambridge” in honor of the university where John Harvard was educated. This is why Southwark is twinned with Cambridge, Massachusetts. Did you know that William Penn, the founder of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, also came from Southwark?

The pregnant Carolyn Kohl and the potential child’s titular father Jeremy Operer, both Nunhead Americans, have begun attending antenatal – or pre-birth – classes from the NCT – the National Childbirth Trust. The classes are held in the Old Nun’s Head Pub to help the unborn feel at home in the place he will spend much of his adult life.

British Military Fitness has been using Nunhead’s Peckham Rye Park to help Nunhead moms to lose weight. The workouts are on same turf where Italian soldiers were kept as prisoners of war and forced to grow their own food. http://www.britmilfit.com/where-we-train/london/peckham-rye-park/

London Borough of Southwark “Nunhead Safer Neighbourhoods Team” has a drop-in surgery on Sunday, the 8th of April from 4 pm to 8 pm at Juniper House on Pomeroy Street. It is believed that Sergeant Neil Harris and PC Jonathan Cook will attend.

Unlike “surgeries” in America, English surgeries have no surgeons, nor will be any operations, cutting, or blood. It is rather an indoor one-to-one consultation session. I think they call it a “surgery” to scare people away.

Guests this week include Nunheader Martin Soan, entertainer, variety show promoter, and volunteer for the Southwark Circle. The Southwark Circle is an organization that helps the elderly and the infirm do things that their families should be doing, but don’t do because these needy people have alienated their families with their selfishness.

Also on the show will be John Fleming, blogger, comedy know-it-all and friend of Malcolm Hardee, the “Andy Kaufman of England”. John doesn’t know that he is appearing on the show. I have not told him as to save him from becoming a nervous wreck. He doesn’t know it all!

Y’all listen in!

@lewisschaffer

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio.
Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Source Below. Free admission. Reserve at http://bit.ly/londonfreeshow

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Posted in Comedy, Life in Britain, Nunhead Radio

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