4 PM 28 March 2012 Wednesday Nunhead Heights
No one read my blog yesterday.
I see the stats. I won’t tell you how few as it would make me look bad. Okay, 34. That is 24 more than attended my show at the Source Below last evening but still not good. Both bad. Yesterday was a bad day.
On average I’ve been getting over a hundred views a day. One day I got 431 views when I went all heartfelt about a dead friend. Saturday I got over 200 when I parsed why I died a comedy death in Morpeth. I assume most of the views of my Morpeth post were from my fellow comics.
Comic Ian Stone pointed out in funny Jo Caulfied’s blog that comics love hearing about their peers’ bad gigs. He is right but I never think I’m the peer of any comic. I am either better than them or worse – but never equal. I’m a hit with comics because I love to talk about my failures. Failure is messy, unpredictable and fun which is why I chase it and why it surrounds me.
Last night was the worst night of the year for attendance at my show. Numbers are always low when the weather is sunny and warm in England. Sunny warm days are rare in England, as you might have heard. No Englishperson wants to descend into a dark basement with a creepy post-middle-aged man on a lovely day. That is my excuse. And okay, I’m a middle-aged man if you expect me to live to 82.
European football was on the television in every pub last night – free. And my show is free – no one has to pay a thing to see my show but football is an even lower risk. Before yesterday I’ve been averaging over 30 a show for months and my venue seats only 40. Warm weather and football combined are the death of my show.
My post yesterday was about my being diagnosed as depressed.
I posted it at 5pm and that affects how many views I get. The earlier the posting the more views it gets. Comedy guru John Fleming taught me that. And I didn’t really promote it on facebook and twitter as the post was about my mother, her birthday, her depression, and the psychiatrist who said I was “chronically depressed”.
It was bit of a downer. A friend said it was “sad”. I’m a comedian – at least I play a comedian at the Source Below and other venues – and my posts should be funny.
And I don’t want anyone to think that I’m mental – which I am but I am not, too, if you know what I mean. I can see The Sun printing “Depressed American Comic Dead” when my death will have nothing to do with that. I’ll have been murdered.
This is my case why I am not really depressed:
I have written posts for 21 straight days. I have written more for public consumption in the past three weeks than I have written in any past year since I was at Bard College back in 1979, and a lot of those words in 1979 were written by other students on my behalf.
I did my radio show on resonance fm the night Monday. I came back from weekend gigs in Northumberland, which is north of Newcastle and south of Scotland. I did my show at the Source last night. I am off to my show again, tonight. Today I wrote this, I paid my council tax, paid my flat service charge and went to the shop. You can’t be depressed and do this much stuff.
But I wrote that I was depressed which I meant at the time. I write in a depressed style which is why I find writing hard. I feel sad and overwhelmed in the quiet of my own flat. I can’t fake it. When I see real people I am happy. I am like a refrigerator light bulb. Open the door and I am on.
Anyway, time to go and be a failure. And that is why I am the Best Comic in England.
Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio. Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio
See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Source Below. Free admission. Reserve at http://bit.ly/londonfreeshow