4:24 PM  7th April 2012 Saturday Easter Weekend  – Nunhead

This week my English kids are in Scotland with their Scottish mother. Yesterday was the first day of Passover. They weren’t with me.

I don’t have Jewish kids – at least not in the way I understand it. And definitely they are not American kids. I could have had slightly Jewish kids or slightly American kids if I didn’t make the mother hate me and then unlove me. Or if I hadn’t married a non-Jew and lived in England.

Unlove is when you aren’t even worth the hate. You’ve never experienced the void unless you have felt unlove – when a woman looks right through you as if you don’t exist.

When a woman loves you she’ll have your boys circumcised. If she really really loves you she’ll even circumcise the girls. That is why guys like women: they know how to love.

If a woman hates you, she won’t even allow you to take them to the park. If she unloves you, you can take them to the park but don’t think the kids are yours.

I think a lot about Tiger Woods and his dark days. His life has seemed pretty bleak since his wife came at him with a golf club – oh, the irony. She was educating him that women don’t want their partners [as in spouses or husbands] to have sex with anyone else but them. I could have told him that. Women are greedy.

Tiger’s wife took her children – a boy and a girl – home to Sweden. He went on TV and apologized to get his family back and maybe to get Accenture to love him again. Apologies never work. Saying you are going to change, or have changed, never works. I could have told him that.

Tiger Woods has been a role model of failure for me. This is the most focused man in the entire world and he wasn’t able to win a thing for years after his wife left and took his kids. That has been my excuse: My wife took my kids. But I wasn’t a success before I had my kids and I moved around the corner.

But who wouldn’t want Tiger Woods as a father for your children? People paid thousands just to have lunch with him.

The focus, the discipline, the drive, the hard work: I wish I had those qualities. And you know he loves his children. He saw his father love him – love him so much to dedicate his life to making Tiger Woods “Tiger Woods”. He knows parental love.

And he saw the love his mother felt for him and the love she felt for his father. It takes a tremendous amount of love from a woman to let her man spend hours putting golf balls with her child. She had to trust the dude and feel that she wasn’t losing her son and wasn’t losing her man. Tiger’s dad must have loved Tiger’s mom, too.

No matter what Tiger Woods did in his spare time – or even his “main” time – he is a quality human being. And I say this as a racist.

But it is doubtful Tiger will be able to spend the hours his father spent with him with his own children. His children are now living in Sweden. I don’t think he’s going to move around the corner to be with them  the way I stayed in England. And even if he did, it’s doubtful the children’s Swedish mother would allow Tiger to do with the children what Tiger’s dad did with him. And that is sad.

In a more sensible world, the mother would have been stopped from taking the children away from such a man. She should have been told “so what” and let him do what he wants as long as he spends time with her children. But her children are now the children of divorce and separation – relegated to seeing their father part-time – and the mother thinks she has done her children a favor.

I bet that once Tiger wanted to teach his children to be champions. I once wanted my children to be Jews. We’ve both given that up. Tiger and I have something in common.


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