9 AM Friday 13 April 2012 Nunhead Heights.

Never trust a comic who doesn’t read his reviews – he doesn’t know he’s crap. I read my reviews.

Thank you for the naming suggestions for my Edinburgh Shows 2012. They are reviews.

No name has been chosen for the early show. I am using “NO! YOU shut up!” by London American enchantress Karen O’Novak for the 8 PM show at The Laughing Horse @ The Three Sisters on Cowgate.

I am moving to new venues because the Counting House thinks I am a – - – I am not going to use that word again. Americans don’t use it like the Brits and don’t like it.

Anyway, I thought the Ballroom would benefit from an extractor fan – to force out the hot air out and bring in cold air from outside. Did you know that even the hottest Edinburgh Fringe venue is surrounded by miserably cold Scottish air? I know cold Scottish air. I was married to it. Nooo. It was all too friggin’ simple.  I didn’t mean to scream at the staff. Sorry. Read this and find out what Edinburgh can do to cool down.

The early show is at Bob Slayer’s The Hive 4:45pm [16:45 24-Hour Clock] and still has no name. And Lord knows what the show is going to be about.

Lewis Schaffer. What did you expect?

You can make a bet which one I’m gonna use. Or give me another one to make my decision harder or to make me laugh. Deadline is 5 PM today.

Lewis Schaffer: Too Good for This Place.
Lewis Schaffer? Really? – Karen O’Novak
Lewis Schaffer: Still a C*nt – Mike Belgrave
Lewis Schaffer Doesn’t Want your Money – Scott Lithgow
I’m Lewis Schaffer. What is your excuse? Ewen McIntosh
Lewis Schaffer: No End in Sight
Your Money’s Worth of Lewis Schaffer – Scott Lithgow

or Lewis Schaffer: What did you expect? – Jennifer Mizdan

Norman Welch came up for the name for next year’s show:
Lewis Schaffer is Famous, BIATCH! [ £20! Pay up! ]

Pennies From Hell

The Wild One, and I were counting pennies yesterday. I want to teach my son about money and I needed to go to the shop.

Pennies are evil. The sole purpose of small coins is for shops to con us into buying more  stuff. “No, it aint a pound but only 99p! It aint a billion pounds  but only £999,999.999.95!”

And who pays for that? Does the Royal Mint bring in revenue on the production of all of those pennies and two pence coins? Possibly, cause no one ever takes them to the bank. The world is tilting on it’s axis under the weight of the jars of pennies.

The poor have at least the same number of pennies as the rich – maybe more. The lower classes buy more low cost stuff so the poor get hit the hardest. It is a regressive form of taxation – not that I care about any poor person other than me.

Who would lose out if you couldn’t get smaller than 5p for change? What do you buy for five pence? And how much time is wasted counting pennies?

A good thing about small change is I got to spend a few more minutes with my kid. The bad news is the local shop refused to take them back and we went hungry. My kid learned a lesson: Pennies are evil.

@lewisschaffer

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio
See Lewis Schaffer live every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Source Below. Free admission. Reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow

3 thoughts on ““Lewis Schaffer? Really?” Is this the name of my early Edinburgh show? Plus: Pennies are evil.

  1. Lewis Schaffer: You get what you pay for
    Lewis Schaffer: Worth his weight in euros

    Re: pennies – there used to be a natural process like the water cycle. Pennies rained down as change in 99p shops & were evaporated in sweet shops by the purchasing of penny sweets (or 2 fruit salads for a penny). Alas the demise of the penny sweet has upset nature’s balance.

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