3 PM Tuesday 17 April 2012 Nunhead Heights Modified 16:41

Being gay is a disease.

An Anglican “fringe” group posted ads on the side of London buses saying that gayness could be cured. The bus company had take the ads off the buses because everyone got upset.

All love is a disease and better done without. Pain is first recognized in the words “I Love You”. The love of man by another man is just as painful as the love of a woman by a man. Maybe less so as no man can stop another man from seeing his children. But it can still cause death. I’ve read Romeo and Juliet. Okay, I think I may have seen the movie. Not sure about that.

I’m in a deep dark place of panic before I go to my show “Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous” at the Source Below tonight. And what about my show title for my Edinburgh Fringe Show? I still haven’t decided on the name!

Let us be honest: If you can be talked into being gay – and I believe you can, I am just looking for the right words at the right time, again – then it makes sense that you can be talked out of being gay.

I was talked into marriage with a woman and now, just as surely, I have been talked out of it. Why can’t I be talked back into it? Ladies?

People are very flexible and are capable of finding love almost anywhere. You can find love with women or men or someone at the London Zoo – we’ve all seen the videos before they were made illegal.

Maybe only the Church’s approach was wrong. They should have advertised:

“Members of the Homosexual Community: Ladies Aren’t As Yucky As You Think”
or “Gay Guys: Girls are Okay to Touch, Too!”
or “Women: Not Just For Christmas!”

Why shouldn’t heterosexuality be promoted too?

What about all the advertisements promoting homosexuality? The Dolce and Gabana and Abercrombie and Fitch young men winking at me asking me to join them and be gay?

And what about the Lady Gaga and Madonna videos all designed to turn me away from women by showing scary hyper-macho women. Judy Garland isn’t just a gay icon – she actually made men gay.

Yeah, I know that a lot of people think that people are born gay. I don’t buy into that – but even if that were so, people have a tremendous capacity to learn to appreciate what they wouldn’t normally like. And that goes in every direction.

Once I was disgusted by dreadlocks. I thought they were dirty and harbored all sorts of disgusting stuff in there. That was before meeting someone I grew to love who had dreads. Now I see dreads and think: “Mmm, delicious”. Okay, I don’t like dreads but I am not disgusted with them, either.They don’t necessarily make me think I’m hugging my grandfather anymore.

To summarize: Let’s be flexible and find love where you can find it. Be open to it and don’t rule anything or anyone out. Who knows, you may even find it at my show tonight at the Source Below. Make me an offer.

@lewisschaffer

Listen to Lewis Schaffer on the Radio Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer every Monday evening at 10:30PM on www.resonancefm.com and 104.4fm London. Or listen to the show’s podcasts at bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

See Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous. Live every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Source Below, 11 Lower John Street, London W1F 9TY.
Free admission. Reserve at bit.ly/londonfreeshow

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