Category: Life in BritainTag: , , , , ,

11:30pm Thursday 3 May 2012 Nunhead Heights

I was offered another free iPhone in January. Only the phone wasn’t “free” cause it comes on a contract – 24 months and 500 mega something of downloads. It is like saying the bank gives you a “free” house with a mortgage. So the word “free” is a lie

The rub is that I had unlimited downloads and since I was only using 200 something I took them up on it. And cause I love shiny new things, and no one else is offering me shiny new things. I’ve reached an age when the world says I can’t have many shiny new things, only old wrinkly things like me.

And unlimited internet isn’t “unlimited” in Britain. It is subject to “fair”use and O2 decides what’s “fair”. Like “til death do us part” is really “til I get the house and the kids.”

So I get my shiny new phone and the next thing I know it’s eating up data. I go from 200 something a month to 2000 something the next month. So much data that O2 tells me to buy more data. That’s partly why they’re discounting iPhones.

But they don’t turn it off altogether. If they had turned it off I would have realised there was a problem sooner. As it is, I got so much stuff on my mind. Too much stuff for who I am. Shows and radio and podcasts. Have you seen me in Soho? Brilliant and funny.

I call up Scotland where the O2 Gurus are. They call them Gurus cause Buddhist aren’t angry. Why not call them “Rabbis” or “Popes”? “The Imans of O2″? “The Prophet Mohammeds of O2″. See how’d that’ll go down.

So the dude acts surprised the 4S is eating up data and blames me for not turning off my apps. I didn’t know I had to and besides, it takes one press to turn an app on and four to close it.

That is customer service here. They act surprised even though the most cursory search online reveals page after page of complaints about the 4S eating data.

Step Two is blame the customer:

“It’s like turning off the hobs on the stovetop” the Guru lectures me. No, it’s not, cause my phone isn’t on fire to remind me to turn it off. And besides, I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to work.

But I didn’t say that cause there ain’t no point. Not in the UK.

My advice is before you call customer service in the UK go on the Internet so you can at least get a laugh out of all the lies.

Sorry: I write angry!

Typed on an iPhone cause my landline isn’t working. That is partly why I’m angry.

@lewisschaffer

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