11:59 PM Tuesday 8 May 2012 in the Warwick, Soho

In New York, if a stranger doesn’t acknowledge you’re talking to them they’re scared of you and you’re obligated to mug them. Well, that is how I remember it. 

So I’m screaming in front of the club: “Comedy show!” Two late 20s women are walking around, back and forth, in front of me. They are “late” as in late for the show. Ignoring me.

I am not barking for customers outside the club; I’m helping punters find it. The sign for the Source Below is tiny: One iPhone-high and two and a half-iPhones wide. I’m the sign for my own show. I do it all. I take the names. If there aren’t enough punters I sit in the front row and do my act from there to make it seem crowded.

So I’m usually screaming “Comedy show” “Are you looking for the comedy show?” Remember, I’m wearing a suit looking good – at least from a distance – and still these people ignore me. Not “Sorry, dude. Sounds awesome but I can’t.” That is something you’d hear in America. Nothing. Eyes straight ahead. Not just the English but all Europeans, the French, the Spanish, the lot.

Finally, after about ten minutes, they notice me there. “We’ve been looking for ages!” they yelp.

Did they love the show? No, they didn’t. They weren’t in the club when I looked in first part. They did a runner. 

God, I hate Europeans!

Written on an iPhone outside the club.

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