5pm Wednesday 5th May 2012 Nunhead Heights

[See below for list of previous posts regarding the British Monarchy]

There are nice things about England, and Britain too. Cups of tea, the football, the Green Belt and planning permission which has, so far, prevented the countryside from being completely over-run. Even the disobedient nature of the people I find very pleasant.

Maybe best part about Britain is that a visitor to this country, such as me, can openly write that they don’t like the Queen and not be put in jail or taken to Heathrow and put on a plane back to New York. That’s actually quite good. [How did I start talking like that? “Actually quite good!” ]

But the royal family and the monarchy are not one of the good things about this country. It is the phoniest institution – completely self-serving and standing for everything that I, an American, am against: Inherited power, deference, and unearned wealth. And no matter how nice the Queen appears to be – and everyone is nice at 85 – she is in it for herself.

Where was she at 25 when her son needed a hug and hold? Off traveling around the world. I’ve seen the video of her holding her young son and it isn’t pretty.

At the Jubilee Concert, Prince Charles calls the Queen “Mummy” in front of the multitudes at his childhood home, Buckingham Palace. Not that Charles had much of a childhood.

Like the child of an absentee footballer he doesn’t often see announcing ownership of his famous father in front of his schoolmates. “Look everyone! The woman you are honoring is my mother! I get to call her Mummy!” I felt sad for the dude.

My mother was a phony, too. She would profess deep love for me but be off doing her own thing in her own world. She loved her world of deep depressions and raving manias.

If the Queen loves her son she would abdicate. Give the keys to the Palace to Charles and move on. But no, she loves being The Queen too much. You can understand why Charles is a bit loopy. He’s gone insane waiting for his mother to love him. That’s what happened to me.

Another Point

This is my last post about the Diamond Jubilee. I am relieved it’s over just like I’m relieved when Christmas passes.

I wish I were Bill Bryson. He always finds a nice thing to say about his adopted land. And he tweaks the British gently. Bill Bryson is a lovely man from what I can read. Me? I steeped in bitterness and anger. Do you think I like always looking for a fight?

Michael Hunter – not that Michael Hunter  but the Michael Hunter who has the blog “Spiked Mike is Breaking a Leg” –  has seen my show quite a few times. He was there in South Shields over the weekend and reviewed my touring free show: “Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous.” He observed that  “[ Lewis Schaffer  ] would rip into an empty brown paper bag if he could get a reaction from the empty paper bag manufacturers.”


But only up to a point. I would rip into the bag if I thought the brown paper bag manufacturers were a load of utter phonies. If the bags weren’t really brown or weren’t really bags. I am like Holden Caulfield in “The Catcher in the Rye.” I hate phonies. Only I’m not a teenager: I’m old.

Another minor point:

At the Jubilee Concert Prince Charles announced how proud he is to be “British”. Innocuous enough considering he spends his summers in Scotland and he’s prince over Wales. But didn’t he forget that if he lives he’s going to be King of Canada, Australia and other minor nations? I’m sure those countries aren’t going to be pleased to hear their king isn’t one of them.  He must be so nervous that he’s going to be passed over in favour of his daughter-in- law’s husband that he’s playing to the home town crowd. Am I the only one to notice this?

Won’t you please leave a comment? Tell me if the above is rubbish, brilliant, whatever.

Five posts that talk about the royal family and class in England and the UK.

Thank God King George lost America. What would have happened if America was given fair representation in the British Parliament.

The real reason the English keep their monarchy. Well, one real reason. Something I don’t think has been expressed too often.

How the Queen is used by the political class and what will happen when the royals turn on that class.

Why English men dress so badly, and how it goes back to the royals.

And finally, what the classes are in the UK and how they are different than in America.

How to see me and reach me:


At the Edinburgh Fringe: “No, YOU Shut Up!” at the Free [Three] Sisters, Cowgate. Free Admission. 20:15 [8:15PM] “No, YOU Shut Up!” at the Alternative Fringe at the Hive, Niddry Street. Free Admission. 16:45 [4:45PM]

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2 thoughts on “The Queen, My Mother and I. Oh, and Holden Caulfield. Some final words on the Jubilee.

  1. Being phony protects us from an unfriendly World which is not interested in what we truly are but in what it can make us become, and so by wearing a mask and presenting a false front, when can protect ourselves from absorption by society.People with Manic-d are totally self absorbed and the manic phase is better than sex, but the down side is fucking terrifying. You have too much love in you Lewis , you need to give it away…..well you wanted a response…that is what you’re getting.

    1. Another great blog. Hell is trying to change an apparent world. “Reality” is projected from us, not to us. Thats the final joke: the ultimate kind of phony: trying to change whats on the screen by changing the screen.

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