9 PM “Nunhead American Radio Night” (Monday) 18 June 2012 – Nunhead Heights

Did you know that you should brush your teeth BEFORE you eat? Something to do with the plaque generating acids as soon a food enters the mouth.

That is a bit of news that the Special Medical Advisor for Nunhead and East Dulwich suggested might be good for my dental health. [Well, she is my medical advisor.]

Dr. Nedd, lets call her,  has a chest cold and she was pleased to hear that I have had one for three weeks. It was NOT Schadenfreude – it meant she wasn’t alone. I hope it wasn’t Schadenfreude.

Chest colds have hit Nunhead. My union-leader flatmate, Fidel (real name) and the full-on Luke (real name), the intense cyclist slash tennis player slash father of Elliot – both have it. I know because I tell everyone I’m sick. I take “How are you?” literally. And then they tell me.

But most people live alone in sickness. And the doctor’s surgeries don’t seem to have much information. It is all new to them – like you’re the first person in the area throwing up. Meanwhile the waiting room is covered in sick.

One would think – and this is what I ran by the Special Medical Advisor – that every surgery would have a link to a NHS central disease control office. The number and type of illnesses seen that day at every surgery would be reported to the NHS. The data would be collated and transmitted back to the surgeries, to the press and thru the web.

Newspapers and websites could print a daily Medical Map and Forecast of flu hotspots and common colds.

We, the average person, could learn that…

“Viral Common Cold NH2-P7 moving from Bromley to Lewisham and entering Southwark. High numbers seen in Nunhead. Average lifespan of symptoms 14.5 days. Coughing. Minor rise in temperature. Highly contagious. Risk of flu, 4 (four) on the Schaffer Scale. Common Cold 7 (Seven). Touch of TB in Peckham.”

Every doctor’s surgery would know what was going around and they wouldn’t waste our time (and risk the immuno-efficiency of the country) by handing out useless antibiotics. You wouldn’t even need to go to the doctor’s because you knew that you had what everybody else had.

And they could do this because of the NHS and every surgery has a contract with the NHS and the English invented the internet. She thought this was brilliant idea!

What do you think?

Here is the News of Nunhead for Today:

Lewis Schaffer has caused a bit of stir by accusing the council of either planning to cut down the forests of Nunhead (in our cemeteries) and lying about considering paving over the playing fields at the Honor Oak Rec. Or vice versa.

His post on the subject is the second most read post in the history of lewisschaffer.wordpress.com. The most was the one on my dead friend who left a legacy of a photo a day for 17 years.

I am about to propose breaking off the leafy bits of Southwark to form a new council – better serving our needs. Nunhead, East Dulwich, Dulwich, and Bellenden in Peckham.

We should join the leafy bits of Lewisham (Honor Oak Park, Forest Hill), Bromley (Crystal Palace), Lambeth (Norwoord, Tulse Hill) and Croydon (Gipsy Hill) to form a new council. I thought of this myself but have since learned I am not the first. Any ideas for a name? Five Points? Leafy Bits? Nunhead?

An 83-year-old man is missing from Nunhead since the 7th of June. There is a law regarding the missing. The younger the missing person the more people don’t care.

But people seem to care about Pat Connelly. He’s “white, about 5’6″, has white hair, though mostly bald. He has a strong Irish accent. He has slightly protruding ears. Narrow, slightly pointed nose. Very defined cheek bones. Slender build.”

He is known to visit Nunhead Cemetery often, which is, after all, convenient. [Sorry]. If you see him, call the police, obviously.

Tracey Francis of Nunhead Film Festival – nunheadarts.blog.com – has informed me of a special film event at Cinema Bambuni. She is Howard Francis’s partner and she is black.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, 19th June at 8 PM at Cinema Bambuni you’ll get dinner, a glass of wine and the film “Submarine” for only £12. “Submarine” is the story of a 15-year-old boy trying to lose his virginity. At my age I would pay to regain my virginity.

IMDB raters gave it a 7.3 average out of 10 which is very good. Kids under 18 like it best and men over 45 liked it least. But the old guys still loved it. Go to Bambuni at 143 Evelina Road SE15 3HB.

The Dish and the Spoon deli on Cheltenham Road seems to be going strong. It looks so fresh and clean. I never leave the house before 3 in the afternoon so I miss it. It closes at 5. Keep meaning to!

Many thanks to Richard Thomas, Ed Baxter, Lisa Moyle, Christ Dixon, and our guest for tonight’s show (if they turn up!): Rolo McGinty of the Woodentops, Chuquai Billy, comic, and Jeff Kuntz, Nunhead American.

Come to my own show tomorrow even though England is playing the Ukraine in an important football match. Barring that, come Wednesday. “Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous.” Free admission but I’d give if I stayed. Payment for laughing is too high an expectation.

@lewisschaffer on twitter

“Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous” Live in Soho
Every Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Free Admission
Reserve at www.sourcebelow.com

Nunhead American Radio with Lewis Schaffer
Every Monday 10:30pm
www.resonancefm.com 104.4fm London
On iTunes www.bit.ly/NunheadAmericanRadio

One thought on “Why can’t we be told what diseases are going around? News of Nunhead for Nunhead American Radio – 18 June 2012.

  1. The East Dulwich Forum (Family Room) is perfect to keep up to date on news of sickness cascading across the area. If a bit short on info, then try The Lounge.

Leave a Reply