3 AM – Saturday – 23 June 2012 – Nunhead Heights.
A famous British tv comedienne “unfriended” me on facebook this week.
The famous person and I were never “friend-friends”. We met when she was coming up in the clubs. I was just slightly above the bottom – compering/hosting at the Comedy Tree in Putney – that was before Erich and Pete fired me. I’m not a Dover sole or a catfish but I know the bottom well. She’s now a shark.
She must have heard that I wrote something bad about her mate Jimmy Carr in this blog. Everyone in the industry has been taking his side over his tax avoidance scheme participation and maybe it seemed as if I wasn’t supporting him. I don’t think I wasn’t being supportive but who knows with me? There is evil inside that seeps out.
Jimmy and her are probably best buddies. When you’re at that level you’re all best buddies. You have to be nice to each other and look out for each other – that’s how you get to the top and that’s how you stay up there: Talented people being nice to each other.
I was on facebook tonight chatting with a friend-friend. She, too, had posted something on fb and twitter about Jimmy Carr. Hardly vicious but not 100% on his side, either. She checked her friends list. She, too, had been unfriended by this famous comedienne.
I could feel my friend-friend shaking.
“I’ve killed my comedy career dead in its tracks. You can behave like a moody rant-twat if you’re a young Sarah Silverman or Russell Kane-Howard-Brand-wannabe but not an older comic who most agents wouldn’t touch as they can smell death and failure a mile off.”
I wasn’t as upset. I don’t have a career to stop dead in its tracks. Still, what a horrible business is show business if you have to be super-sweet to everyone all the time.
In a panic, my friend-friend messages another facebook friend to check if this other person is still a facebook friend of the star comedienne. This friend of my friend-friend discovered that she too had been “unfriended.”
My friend-friend then remembers that you can tell if an account has been deleted because “deleted profiles leave a blue silhouette where the photo used to be and that’s what the two accounts of Sarah Millican have.”
Sarah Millican had deleted her account. We weren’t singled out, after all. Everyone was dumped. Relief.
“But what of the other 26 facebook friends who unfriended me this week?” I worry. “What about Toby Foster and Patrick Monahan and Tiffany Stevenson? Why aren’t they my friends anymore?”
“Jesus, Lewis! It’s so unhealthy talking to you.” My friend-friend stops me. “Five minutes into this conversation you got me believing everyone hates me! Loloolo!”
Luckily friend-friends can’t unfriend you as quickly as facebook friends.
[ I’m told who unfriends me by my Social Fixer application for facebook. It gives me the names of people who leave me – information I usually wish I didn’t have. Social Fixer is freeware but I sent the developer $5 or about £3.50. I work off contributions at my show – Lewis Schaffer is Free until Famous – so I decided it would be good karma. Of course, you don’t get good karma when you try to get good karma. Weirdly, if I hadn’t sent the money I would have gotten bad karma. Odd, that]
Read what I wrote about Jimmy Carr:
LEWIS SCHAFFER is FREE UNTIL FAMOUS
Every Tuesday and Wednesday in Soho
“Rapid-fire delivery… everything is fair game” (The Guardian)
“His total indifference to all things British is brilliant.” (The Scotsman)
“A unique style – he can insult you and love you in the same sentence” (Time Out, New York)
“Controversial. Warning: Unpredictable. Recommended.” (Time Out, London)
A Malcolm Hardee Award Winner 2009
13:19 23 June 2012 Wording changed to make it more readable.