2pm Saturday 28 July 2012 Coaching thru England
The humiliation of the Royals continued last night at the 2012 Olympic Games Opening Ceremony. For what end? For a funny YouTube video.
See how James Bond marches into Buckingham Palace like he owns it. Look at how he walks, full stop! He’s Liam Gallagher from Oasis. He ‘ahems’ the Queen. It’s the actual Queen!
She is our subject. We’re the boss. We can get her to jump out of a helicopter if we so wish. It’s funny!
But most of all we’re funny. What ruler would humiliate herself for a laugh? Gaddafi? Saddam? Rupert Murdoch?
What did her family do to deserve that kind of abuse? Oh, the Royals are Assad or Mugabe plus 400 years.
Look at us, we’re the Great British people: we’re black, too. We got rappers like the Americans. We’re given black people credit for doing stuff – even if they weren’t living in the country at the time the stuff got done.
We’re welcoming to the world. Don’t hate us anymore. Y’all come on in. There are jobs at the Pret a Manger that we’re trying not to give the locals. Danny Boyle’s house needs painting.
Get yourself a white wife and start a slightly lighter family. And a lovely house. Did you notice our teeth? Good teeth now.
We invented stuff back in the day and we’re still doing it – like the first website. Our Tim guy is like the American Al Gore. He also invented the Internet.
And the music. The party ain’t over until Macca sings Hey Jude. The ultimate Karaoke song cause “nah… nah… nah… nah nah nah nah” is the same in most languages. Paul McCartney. Screw Ringo. He lives in the States!
An eternity spent in a celebration to the NHS. Surprised organiser Danny Boyle got the hospital workers to turn up – them being off sick two and a half times as often as your average private sector employee.
But the NHS is ours. The Yanks don’t have it – though you bet they want it even if they can’t admit it.
Nor do they have the Monarchy. Britain itself chooses how it wants to be enslaved: To the Queen or to the healthcare monolith. Or to the new religion of multiculturalism.
Great Britain: We’re multicultural, musical and funny.
All that said, I watched it. I often cringed but it was watchable. And I’m not Great British.
Is this post good, bad, or absolute rubbish? Leave a comment.